9/11

it's important to me that i take a pause here... to stop self promoting, shamelessly plugging, etc.

i remember like it was yesterday when those towers fell. i remember how it felt to get the news. the rush to turn my tv on. my mind racing to everyone i knew and could possibly know inside those towers.

and then the pentagon.

and then flight 93.

i remember the feelings of helplessness, hopelessness and hopefulness all at once. the feeling of unity... the sense of an unspoken bond... floods of words and emotions spoke only through looks and glances on the freeway.

i hate what happened that day. my heart cracked so deep it can never be fully repaired again.

and in all honesty, i don't want it too. it's a reminder. of how fragile we all are. of how it can all end in the blink of an eye.

you want to know what i miss though? i miss the way it felt to be a part of something.
not THAT something, but a part of this country.
there was a feeling here that was indescribable. if you didn't have a flag or a sticker on your car declaring your love for your country, you stood out. it seemed like everyone was feeling the exact same thing.

i miss the feeling where we all seemed to CARE about one another. we stopped our busy, hectic, self important lives, to genuinely ask our neighbors how they were. we valued what truly mattered. we took stock of what was important and how we wanted to live our lives from that day forth.
some of us changed careers.
some of us stopped waiting for that someday, knowing that someday may never come.

it was like a national eye opener... but into our hearts and souls. what made us tick? people mattered. friendships mattered. love mattered. not work. not money. not the same old bullshit.

but like most things, that feeling has faded with time. people have forgotten. or moved on. or put what they felt that day in the past. it's so easy to go back to the same old routine.

and i think that makes me the most sad.

for me... my life changed that day. my way of thinking didn't change- it just got thrust into the forefront of my mind- always lingering.. sometimes shouting at me. and i've never let it go. i can feel how i'm supposed to live my life. i KNOW what truly matters to me. i'm just trying to make my soul and my wallet meet somewhere in the middle. :)

*deep breathe*

i can't believe it's been 10 years. i hope that you're living your life the way you are meant too. and if you're not, i hope you're happy. and loved.