You know what sucks?

You know, there are so many awesome things about self publishing. Like the fact that I don't have to wait to publish the books I write. I can put them out whenever I'm ready! I love that I have control over my stories and characters and I can basically write whatever and however I choose.

I've learned a lot about In Dreams. Don't get me wrong- I absolutely love that story. It's so close to my heart and soul that it hurts a little when people hate it. Because I wrote about something so personal to me, in a fictional way, people assume it's all made up.

It isn't.

But that's not the point.

My point is- i've learned about where I fall short as a writer. I've learned what I need to improve on. That I need a real editor and not just a really good friend who is awesome at punctuation and grammar. lol

I found someone (thanks to J.A. Templeton) and she's awesome. But let me tell you- she definitely reinforces the fact that I still have a long way to go. And while I can write in a fun, breezy and youthful manner- some of my other mannerisms of writing leave a lot to be desired. So i'm learning. Trying really hard to fix where I suck.

And it's hard because I'm so impatient and I can't even tell you how freaking crappy it is to know that I have a book "done" but I can't release it.

Because I shouldn't.

Not until I fix it. And make it better. But it's so hard because as a self published author, you want to put more books out as soon as you have them ready! I want to put it out, but I have to FIGHT with my pride, ego, or whatever the hell it is- and let sanity take over.

I know it will be worth it in the end. The last thing I want is to have another case of what In Dreams has turned into. Which is where I wish I had a professional editor from the start- so I could have fixed certain things and made the story better. I'm not happy with the way I wrote it now and I'd love to rewrite it so that everyone who read it would love it. But I can't do that. I have to let it go. I have to walk away from it and move forward. But it feels sort of crappy knowing that you aren't 100% pleased with something that you've put out for people to buy.

Anyway, I don't want that to happen with Chance Encounters. And I don't want it to happen with Before the Dreams. I want every book from here on out to just get better and better. But I have to work, research, learn, observe, read and write A LOT MORE for that to happen.

So have patience with me. Because I still have a lot of work to do on Chance Encounters before I'll be happy enough to release it. I don't want to look back and wish I could fix it, or update it, or change it. I want to feel good about it, even after time has passed. You know what I mean?

So in the meantime, I'll be reading some- taking some notes- and trying to figure out how to incorporate some writing magic into my writing. It's going to take me a little longer than I planned to do it, but I think it will be worth it in the end.

But just so you know, I really, really, really, really, really, freaking hate making you wait for my next book. I just want it out NOW!!!!! lol

I guess I better get back to work. :)