cheese & rice, putting your book out is like childbirth all over again

You forget how much it hurt.

Man, having released two books already, you think i'd be over the whole nervous nelly bit. But holy crap... am I not.  Like, AT.ALL.

I sent my book to three people last night (one of them being none other than my author soulmate, miss colleen hoover) and i've wanted to throw up ever since.

It's funny how freaking confident I am when i'm writing the book. How much I LOVE LOVE LOVE it after it's done, gone to the editor, come back from the editor.... it's only when I am putting it out there to you strangers and friends that I suddenly start going, "Oh my gosh, what if they all hate it?  What if it totally sucks?!  What if they don't connect with any part of the story and everyone is like, WHY DOES THIS JENN PERSON KEEP WRITING BOOKS?!?!"

Yeah.  That's what happens. In my head. And in my heart. Cause i'm sorry, but some of y'all are freaking mean. Not YOU Y'ALL, cause I assume most of the people here actually like the books I write. LOL But it's scary putting your story out there. All of my books have pieces of reality in them- parts of my life that have really happened, so they're very personal to me. They become a part of you when you write them... the characters, the story, the events... 

So the second you put it out to the world to either love or hate, it's out of your hands.

And it's scary. No, it's TERRIFYING. 

I'd forgotten this part of things. The initial fear. The desire for your story to be liked. Loved even. And then talked about in a positive way. 

I'm not looking for compliments or reassurance, I swear. I'm simply expressing a single part that goes along with being an author and putting your words out there for the world to experience. I know it's normal to be scared. It's normal to feel like you want to curl up in the fetal position until it's all over. I'd just forgotten.  Completely blocked it out of my head and here we are again- 

On October 12th y'all are gonna have to hold me. 

Tight.

<3