Do you lead with your head or your heart? - New York Times Bestselling Author, J. Sterling

Do you lead with your head or your heart?

I mentioned a few blog posts back that my girlfriends recently pointed out to me that I let my head overrule my heart when it comes to relationships and love. They said that if I didn't think it was good for my heart.... I could literally talk myself out of anything, no matter how badly I wanted it or how strongly I felt about it. They made it real simple for me- they broke it down into two sides- you either led with your heart or your head. It was one or the other and they were adamant that I was purely head based. They told me how they would follow their hearts no matter what, no matter the cost and I sat there shaking my head in vehement disagreement. Follow your heart no matter who you hurt? No. Follow your heart no matter the consequences? No, no, no.

Shit. Maybe they were right?

It sounds funny to say out loud, but I had never realized that about myself before. I write romance novels for fucks sake! I consider myself a pretty emotional person. I feel things so deeply at times that it causes me physical pain. How could someone who was capable of feeling that strongly not do everything from her heart? I'd never even considered myself the type of person who was more logical than emotional when it came to love. Isn't love, of all things, supposed to be completely heart based?  Everything else I do in my life seems to come from my heart- the decisions I make, the way I write, the stories I tell, where my soul leads me.... it all comes from a place of love and not always logic. You know?

So I sat on their observations for a little bit and let them sink it. They gave me examples. They compared me to themselves. And I absorbed their words. I thought about situations I'd been in in the past, situations I was currently in, the way I saw things, etc... And you know what?

They were right.
They were absolutely fucking right. 

I really do let my head talk me out of things, but there's a reason for it (lol). If I don't think it's the right thing to do, then I'll walk away. Or at least I'll try. I'm pulled to do the right thing, to do unto others and I'm always thinking about all the people in situations as opposed to only thinking about myself. Now that's not to say that I've never hurt anyone or made a bad decision because I'm human and sometimes I make decisions out of my own selfishness instead of the greater good. I know that it can't always be helped- that sometimes the pull to another person is greater than all the logic in the world. And I know that even the best person, with the best of intentions, can falter when it comes to love.

It's a powerful thing, that emotion. The most powerful thing ever, I think.  It's always the exception. Or maybe the right person is always the exception? I don't know. I'm still figuring it all out.  But what I do want to know is which are you?  Do you lead with your heart when it comes to love or your head?  

Talk to me in the comments!  Have a great weekend. <3 



  1. My head for sure! I have been hurt so many times.

  2. Anonymous12:44 PM

    I am similar to you. I can be very emotional and love with all my heart...
    But I make decisions about everything, including love, based on what I believe is best. Best for me and best for others if involved. So my head definitely rules. And once I've made up my mind there's no changing it.