Choosing to be happy - New York Times Bestselling Author, J. Sterling

Choosing to be happy

If you've read Guy Hater (if you haven't, what the heck are you waiting for???) then you'll notice a theme that runs throughout the story. This isn't a spoiler, so you can keep reading. LOL  I wrote a lot about finding your happiness. About realizing when you're no longer joyful anymore and finding the courage to do something about it. Because you see, I know all too well what it's like to wake up day after day and feel like being happy is an illusion.... something no longer meant for you. 

And honestly, what kind of shit is that?!   

As humans, I think we tend to settle. We settle in our jobs. We settle for a paycheck. We settle into routines. We settle into what's expected of us. We settle into obligations. We settle in our relationships. We settle into roles we think define us and we stay there for way too long because we're afraid to rock the boat and make a change. Why? Because what's on the other side of everything we've settled for is the great unknown. And the unknown is scary as hell.

We get used to being unhappy. Let that sink in for a second. We. Get. Used. To. Being. Unhappy.
It becomes a part of our daily lives and in essence, a part of who we are. We're comfortable in our misery. It's always there with us; in the morning when we wake up, in each breath we take during the day, at night when we close our eyes. We know we're not happy, but we accept it. It's not that bad, right? Sure, it could be better, but it could also be worse. Thinking about making a change feels super uncomfortable. Even if it's the right thing to do. Even if it's the best thing for not only yourself, but for everyone else as well....  change is scary. 

What if we're wrong? What if we make a mistake? What if our misery is only an illusion? And then, what if I'M the problem here? What if it's me?

These are all questions we ask ourselves in the midst of our fear. And the answers can never truly be revealed to us until after we've done the hard thing. We can't know how we're going to feel about a situation until we've changed it. 

Sometimes you have to put yourself first. And that's okay. It's okay to want to be happy. It's okay to want to find joy in your daily life and to release the things (and people) who no longer bring you that. I had to learn this lesson. It wasn't easy. 

Being happy is a choice. Settling in a relationship that no longer makes you feel good, or no longer brings you joy... is a choice. Staying for all the wrong reasons... is a choice. And we're so overrun with guilt over every single decision we make that we forget who we are while we're busy living for everyone else.

I've said it a million times before, but I'm not sure I've ever said it here on my blog, so here goes:
It's easier to stay in a relationship that has run its course (marriage, dating, business, school, etc) than it is to leave. Even if you're so damn unhappy and just getting through each 24-hour period one hour at a time... it's still easier to stay. You know what to expect when you stay. It is so much harder to leave. You can know it's the right thing to do- you can feel it in every part of your body and soul that you need to leave before it basically kills your spirit, your drive, your ambition-  and still, you'll struggle to say the words out loud... you'll struggle to find the strength to walk away.... you'll struggle in your decision to fight for yourself. 

Sometimes our lives truly begin on the other side of those choices we're too afraid to make. But we'll never know if we don't try. You have to fight for your happiness. No one else is going to do it for you. They can't. They're too busy trying to remember to fight for theirs.  

And I know it's not easy. Trust me, I know. But I also know that at some point you'll look back at your life and see clearly all the time you've wasted wondering if things were going to change when you knew in your gut that they never were. And you'll find yourself grieving the loss of that time because you can never get it back. You can only move forward. Even if it's just one tiny step. *deep breath*  You've got this.    

1 comment:

  1. This is me to a "T" . Daily. It's hard to walk away from everything you know and love especially when you've been with the person 17 yrs. You get comfortable and used to the everyday and don't want to rock the boat. You're afraid of what will happen if or when you finally get the courage to walk away. Can you make it on your own financially or otherwise? These are all things I think about daily. I love my husband and we have great times but things are just comfortable with us. And maybe one day I hope to be as strong as you were and finally choose me over everything else.