August 2018 - New York Times Bestselling Author, J. Sterling

The Boy is off to college

*insert long sigh here*

The boy moved out this past weekend. He's playing baseball at a Division-1 school in California and I couldn't be more proud. You all have no idea how hard he's worked toward this goal- not only his whole life, but especially this past summer. It's way too much to get in to, but just know that he made this happen for himself. He worked his ass off to make sure he qualified to play this upcoming season. He's a rockstar. :)

And now he's gone.

And my house feels so big.
And quiet.
And clean.
And empty.

Everyone wants to know how I'm doing. I had a countdown going over on my Instagram page until he moved out where I posted throwback pictures of him each day. It was fun! But I think it gave people the impression that I was a hot mess just waiting to happen. lol I get it. Blake's my only child. And he's the only person I've lived with the past 20 years... and now he's gone.

I'm going to be straight up because I've gotten a lot of emails from other mom's asking how I am, and they're worried they won't be able to get through this when the time comes for them. It's a weird thing realizing that he's moved out..... it's a different sort of feeling than knowing he's just going to be gone for a week, or visiting someone, or on vacation or something. I can feel it in my guts that he doesn't live here anymore. There's a small hole inside my stomach now that's filled with sadness. I can FEEL it if I think about it for too long.

And that's weird.

I think the worst part is the worry. It's shifted now. Where I used to not be able to fall asleep until I heard him walk through the front door (so I knew he was home and alive), now I worry if he's making good decisions, not putting himself in bad situations and staying safe. It's hard not knowing what he's doing, if he's okay or if he's happy. I think that will fade with time but it's the most prominent feeling that I have right now. (That and my hole of sadness 😂)

But there are other emotions too... there's hope and excitement!! For both Blake and for myself. :) I'm so excited for him to start this chapter of his life. I know how much my college years meant to me.. how life changing they were... how amazing that time was, so I hope it's the same for him.

And while I'll miss him not being here and getting to see him in person everyday, I know it's for the best-  for him and for me. We both have so much to look forward too and honestly? I can't wait to get started on my part!  <3